the point is…
TELEMARKETING, JESUS, AND THE COMPASS
And who can forget all the telemarketing calls we got just a few years ago, remember? Week after week, day after day, sometimes hour after hour and minute after minute, free cards from Visa, MasterCard, MasterVisa, VisaMaster, American Express, Express America, China Express, Piedmont International Bank and Associates.
And all of us had our own way of dealing with this, to one I told them there had been a death in the family and would they call later … they did, four hours later. To another I admitted I had defaulted on half a dozen cards, but he assured me it was no problem, promised me a new beginning. To another I said I had just gotten out of jail serving time for forgery, embezzlement, and printing my own US currency; they were impressed … offered me a job. Over time, I tried everything, I tried reason, I tried total honesty, I tried to pretend I was ninety eight years of age with a hearing problem and no source of income, and they still offered me a card.
And then we had one of those verifiably documented miracles, the government actually did something and offered us the “Do not call” option. Until then, you and I were beaten; these people we were dealing with were relentless, the best of exterminators could not get rid of them, they could out roach roaches. And isn’t it good to know that when the economy went south, some of the banks that you and I saved were the roaches; thank you Mr. Government … again!
But they are back, I knew they would be, sort of like fire ants, they eventually penetrate the best of defenses, but their message has changed. Now they begin with the line, “Mr. Rogers, this is your final notice, before it is too late, it is urgent that you contact us regarding your credit … before your account is terminated … and your property is seized … and your children are left penniless! So call us, at 1-800-ube-hads”
Have you noticed how they are creeping in again … at night … under the sink … multiplying like crazy.
And so, desperate, I tried a new approach; I called the number. A pleasant voice answered and I said I was calling about my final notice “ … before my account was terminated … and my property seized … and my children sold as slaves … urgent, you understand!”
And the voice was very happy.
“Mr. Rogers, I feel we can help you!”
“Wonderful!” I said.
“Great, Mr. Rogers, and because we feel we can help you, I’m going to switch you over to one of our investment experts, Mr. Truth Itself. Will you give me a second to connect you to Mr. Truth Itself?”
“If only you would … please.” I say.
And then Mr. Truth Itself enters the line, radio voice with a touch of smoky honey, just enough redneck to make you blush and just enough Midwestern to make you think you are talking to someone who can think, “An what can I do for you … this afternoon … Mr. Rogers … and just call me … Truth. … Itself … will you?”
“Truth … Itself, tells me about Jesus?”
“Sir?”
“Just call me Cy … Mr. Truth … Itself. Tell me about Jesus?”
“I’m not sure I understand … Cy. We … here … at American Pie, we sort of like to keep our religion private.”
“So you haven’t heard about Jesus, Mr. Truth … Itself?”
“Oh, we have heard about him,” says Truth Itself. “It’s just that we try to keep it separate from everything else.”
“So your religion doesn’t apply to anything … real?”
“That’s not what I said … Cy. We just try not to mix the apples with the oranges.”
“Meaning Jesus has nothing to do with the half a million dollars my church is looking to put into some God related investment,” I say trying to sound like Mr. Evangelist ... Himself.”
Suddenly silence, then Truth Itself speaks, “Cy, can I be honest with you about how I feel about … Jesus?”
Point is, somewhere along the way, for many years now, Washington, like the American way of life, has lost its bearing; it’s compass is off the mark and no one seems to know how far it is off the mark; we’re just drifting aimlessly.
How far off the mark do you think we are?
How far off the mark do you think the UnitedMethodistChurch is? But more important, how far is your own compass off the mark?
Cy
